They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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