Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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