you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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