At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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