God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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