Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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