It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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