so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
how does that bad decision feel?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
