God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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