He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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