I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
bring money and cleavage
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
