Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
