I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
