don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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