i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
