it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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