i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
