our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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