Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
