plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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