careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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