trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
