So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize