sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
