And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
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no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
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You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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