I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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