I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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