I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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