and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
