Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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