I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
