is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
