The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dicks are not precious.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
