Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
