I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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