Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
