FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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