I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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