I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
