M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
