you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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