So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
