If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
