Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
