It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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