Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
