Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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