I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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