chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
