don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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