I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
