when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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