I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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