I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
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also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
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The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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