I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
