so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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