I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
