It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
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Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
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All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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